when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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