There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
