There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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