Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
