Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
