Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
