At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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