We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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