Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
