the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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