with your own penis?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
