just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
