She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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