The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
