So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
