I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
