I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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