On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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