I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
