OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
