New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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