So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize