I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
