I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
