Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
