I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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