Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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