hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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