Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
