i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
where are you?
Hypothermia
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's shark week go big or go home
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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