conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
