If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
