I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
