I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize