Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
