Jerry, you need to find god
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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