my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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