I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
