There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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