i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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