found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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