remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
