She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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