I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
