I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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