New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
