It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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