I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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