Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
