Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
did i walk over a car last night?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
