I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize