how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
