I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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