Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
