They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
