I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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