I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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