i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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