I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
