dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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