I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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