If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
