he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
