Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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