Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How naked do you want me to be?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
