Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
