I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
