her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
