God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
