Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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