is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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