dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
