Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
