the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You took a bar mat shot.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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