You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
