I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
