she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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