I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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