Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
