I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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