I only kidnapped one of them. chill
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
