I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
