She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
