spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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