Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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