i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
