the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
