you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
