who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
