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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my phone needs a breathalizer

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I think they're German

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just say lederhosen and see what happens

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• (817): View more from Texas

  We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm in love.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.

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• (209): View more from California

  and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.

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