I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
