I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
