Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
